I’m never sure if you people can sense that I don’t always feel confidence in myself. There are days, more often than not, when I don’t think I’m enough.
This sense of not being up to the task has been around me for as long as I remember. I don’t always feel like I’m good in…well, anything. I know that’s not true, but the feeling is there. I get surprised when someone thinks I can do something well, because for so long, I’ve never thought I was good.
I don’t know where this feeling comes from. But at some point in my life, I was made to feel that I wasn’t up to the task.
This has had consequences in my life, because I’ve not taken opportunities that I should have, or settled for less. I’ve kept my distance from people that I would be great friends, because I don’t feel that I’m enough.
Worse yet, is when I’ve tried to do things to get noticed and no one seems to notice. Again comes the feeling that I’m not enough.
And in one case I’m not enough. I’m not going to know everything. I will make mistakes. But what I do know I know I can do well. In the end, the other person has to decide if enough is enough. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won’t. What I have to learn is to be around people who see me with all my faults and shortcomings and realize that at the end of the day, I am enough. If they can’t see that, then walk away.
I know that in God’s eyes, I am enough. But as I make it in this world, it’s hard to not want to show others that you matter, that you are talented, that you are enough.
All I can do is pray and ask God to help me see myself as enough and be around people who see me as enough and can remind me of that.
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