The Importance of Dandelions

As I’ve looked back over my work history, there has been one overwhelming feeling that comes up over and over again: shame. Since I entered the workforce in my 20s, my job history has been one of seemingly disappointing people.  I never met people’s expectations of me.  It wasn’t for lack of trying.  If someone said I did something that was not up to par, I would try to be better.  But the damage was done and I was looked at as incompetent. When I got my diagnosis of Aspergers in 2008, I was hopeful that now I could find … Continue reading The Importance of Dandelions

The Frustrations and Limitations of An Aspie Pastor

As worship ended today, I felt a bit of frustration.  I sometimes feel like I’ve failed to be a good pastor to my congregation.  I think I’ve done the best that I can, but I also feel at times I’m failing them. It might be that I’m trying to live up to stories.  Actually, it’s one story: the one where a pastor comes into a dying church and is able to get the turn it around.  Membership grows from say 20 people to 100, it becomes a vital congregation. So, I look at the story and wonder what I am … Continue reading The Frustrations and Limitations of An Aspie Pastor

Walking Backwards with a Backpack of Bricks*

One of the difficulties of being a “high functioning” autistic is that it is in a way an invisible disability.  For most people, when they look at someone like me, they see a “normal” person.  Because they see a person that seems to act just like them, it makes it hard to understand when things go wrong in that person’s life.   For the uninitiated, some difficulty looks more like laziness or being defiant which can have severe consequences in the high functioning autistic’s life. The sad thing is that the uninitiated is basically everybody.  There are a few folk who … Continue reading Walking Backwards with a Backpack of Bricks*

With A Heavy Heart…

On January 31, I got the phone call that you always dread, at the what I’ve been dreading for nearly 10 years- that call at 4 in the morning.  Long story short, I learned that my father had died.  As Daniel and I got ready to fly from Minnesota to Michigan, I left a text with John Paulson just letting him know I wasn’t going to be at church this Sunday.  I don’t know what all John did, but he was able to marshall the forces of the church to make sure church went on smoothly.  Retired Pastor Paul Ficzeri … Continue reading With A Heavy Heart…

Dennis Sanders, Sacrificial Lamb

So, a few days before Christmas, I found out that my position was eliminated due to budget cuts. Needless to say, I was devastated…and I still am a few weeks later.  The sad thing is that this isn’t the first time that this has happened to me.  I’ve received layoff notices more than once. It’s also part and parcel of my long work history, one where work and I don’t seem to get along. It’s not that I don’t want to work: quite the opposite, I love to work, I love being industrious.  But in the 25 or so years … Continue reading Dennis Sanders, Sacrificial Lamb

Repost: Out of Place

Note: I wrote this earlier this year about relationships. One thing I’d like to add: tell people that you care for them or that you are their friend. For someone like me with autism it can make all the difference in the world. When I was in high school, I ran track. I didn’t run well, but I did run track. Practice would take place after school. I remember heading into the locker room to change, and passing by this front room set aside for physical therapy. Every time I passed by there were people my age chatting and having … Continue reading Repost: Out of Place

Stopping A Freight Train

I’m a little wary about writing this. The reason for my skittishness is that I don’t want my frustrations to be misunderstood.  But I think I need to try to find someway to share these frustrations; otherwise they will eat me alive. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a bit focused on new churches.  I’ve really wanted to see new Disciples of Christ churches in Minnesota reaching various populations.  Last year, there seemed to be some passing interest with a few people, but in the end none of the people who expressed interest were that passionate to do … Continue reading Stopping A Freight Train

Aspergers, Self-Esteem and God

I will be writing a blog post on partisanship and the church, but right now I need to chat about dealing with self-esteem when you are on the autistic spectrum. People with Aspergers especially deal with low self-esteem, partially because of being bullied and partially because we tend to isolate ourselves when we’ve been bullied.  For me, there is this sense that I’m stupid, which isn’t true, of course, but it is there because of the low self-esteem.  Sometimes experiences tend to bring people down and it is a lot harder to shake things off than it is for someone … Continue reading Aspergers, Self-Esteem and God

The Care and Feeding of Aspies

It’s taken me a few years to realize how different I am from most of humanity.  The thing about Asperger’s is that you think your life is normal.  What I see is my reality. But of course that is not how life works.  I am different from others.  And that difference can lead to some problems; not only to those of us with Aspergers, but of course with those neurotypical friends and colleagues around us.  Most people don’t really understand what it means to be on the spectrum.  Even if they say they understand, the mostly likely don’t get it … Continue reading The Care and Feeding of Aspies