As said earlier, I lost my full time position on December 23. This means that I have to look again for open positions.
It’s also hard for me to look for another job after the my experience at my soon to be former job. I had worked hard in that position, innovating and doing things that hadn’t been done before. And I still got laid off. I know that it wasn’t because of my work performance (which was excellent), but having done all that I did and still get canned makes you a little gun shy about starting over. Why be productive and putting forth 110% percent if your reward is to lose your job?
I know I have to get over that and get back on the horse as they say. But that horse really kicked my ass hard.
The other fear is that I’m not the most attractive candidate. It’s not that I don’t try to show my experience and knowledge, I do. It’s just that all my work rarely gets me what I want. Others can put in a resume and get an interview like that. Me? I can send in a resume and never hear back.
There is always something that makes me wonder if race has anything to do with it. There have been studies that show that black men are at a disadvantage in the job market. I do think that has been played out in my past, maybe not overtly, but more likely than not in the silent biases that hiring managers have when they see someone like myself as opposed to a white man.
But that complaint is a double-edged sword. If I say that too loudly, some will say that I haven’t tried enough or white folk will talk about how it hard it has been for them to find a job. Even with that against me, I have to get out there and try.
Maybe the thing that bothers me the most is that being laid off…more than once…tends to set me back. I seem to never be able to get ahead enough to be able to make more in salary, to be able to pay off debt and save for my retirement.
I know I will find something. I just wonder how long it will be before I find it and how much will not having full time work will set me back financially-again.
Sorry for the maudlin job post. I will try to get back to focusing on religion soon and go easy on sharing my woes.