Aspergers is an interesting thing. Having an autism spectrum disorder means that you have communication issues. Because it can be hard to communicate with others and because you kind of live in your own little world, it’s hard to know when you might be acting out. In my time as a pastor, I’ve sometimes acted impulsively and wasn’t always diplomatic when tact was needed. I’ve had to learn how to keep my emotions in check and that lashing out wasn’t always a good thing.
I’ve had to learn to control my Tasmanian Devil.
I’ve sometimes described myself as a flesh and bone version of the Looney Toons character in relation to my Aspergers. The spinning vortex full of sound and fury can sometimes describe me. The not knowing how to respond to people is one way I can act like Taz. The other shows itself when I work. I can come of with idea after idea and try to do this and that. Because executive function is also deficient in persons with Aspergers, I sometimes can be somewhat manic in my work and not learn to edit; to not try to do everything I think of.
The thing is, I have to teach myself to be in control in more ways than one.
Sometimes people mistake Aspergers with being extremely introverted. There is some shyness there, but the real issues deal with how we relate with others, how we communicate with them, how we act around others and how we think. I have to learn not simply how to be more outgoing, but how to not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, how to manage my time and how to limit myself. I know that my behavior has hurt my jobwise over the years. I don’t want my wild devil to cost me in the workplace.
I’m still learning how to channel my passions into positive efforts. Taz isn’t bad, but I have to learn to tame him. The manic way I can think and act has a place in the world. I just have to make sure it’s used for good.